Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Girls and their riddle

XY: Yaudahlah ini emang salah aku. Aku emang worthless.

XX: (typing...) Engga, aku yang worthless sampai kamu tega banget gituin aku. (ctrl A, delete, typing...) Well, worthless is a strong word. I won't ever say that to you, no matter how hurt or angry I am, because you are not worthless for me. You will never be. (sent)

Sunday, October 18, 2015


A few days ago, I turned into 24. Yes, now, this petite cheeky girl is turned to be a young lady. Back when I was a kid, I was always excited to welcome my birthday. I used to stayed up late and checked my phone right on 12 PM to see whoever text me. For me, the happiest moment was when I closed my eyes right before blowing the candles, but yet I will right away forget my wishes as I started opening gifts. It was so childish, no?

Well, as I grown up, I learned that birthday is not only about blowing candles and opening presents. Life is getting harder as you grow older, right? And sometimes life is too hard for me to stand, so I kneel down on my birthday. Just to be grateful for being given one more year to life, to serve, and to love. Birthday was the moment when I thank God for giving me lots of people around me who have big hearts. People who still remember and care to me despite their busy-ness. People who still love me for the way I am. So, thank you so much for everyone that have put so much efforts to remember and celebrate my birthday. Cheers to the upcoming years, people. XOXO

Well, that's what Chelen thinks.
Cheers for being 24.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015


Katholikos (Greek) that means universal, from kata "in respect of" and holos "whole"
Catholic (adjective) means including a wide variety of things; all embracing. 

I was not born or raised as a Catholic. I would say I was an agnostic. Agnostic (noun) means a person who claims neither faith nor disbelieve in God. So, yes I have to admit as though I am not a religious person, I do believe in God. There was a moment that ever happened to me which I believe that God spoke to me. I was a kid, probably on my second or third grade of elementary school. There was a bathroom that located inside my parent's bedroom and I used to take a bath there. FYI, I don't like dressing up inside the bathroom, so I need another room that connected to the bathroom where I can just dressing up right there. So, after finishing my shower, I went to my parent's bedroom and noticed that I had not turned on the lamp. I flipped the light switch but nothing happened. Then I saw a broken electrical cord and I thought of plugging it to a power plug. A moment when I took that broken electrical cord, I heard a voice. A voice that told me to not doing it. A voice that told me to put it back and start dressing up - in the darkness. Then, my mom came in, shocked and yelled to me to stay away from that broken cord. As I remembered this moment right now, I feel the goosebumps, because I could just died by plugging those broken cord. I started believing in God since then. I believed it was God's voice and He saved me. So, I grew up as a person who believe in God but have no religion -not literally because as Indonesian citizen, we are always forced to fill in the religion column in any forms-. I got a religion that passed down by my family though.

But then one day in my twenties, I started thinking or kinda wondering whether I should have a religion. I studied in Christian and Catholic' s school, for almost 16 years. Then, miraculously, I decided to be a Catholic. It took one year to be a Catholic -the process called as catechumen. In one year, I learned about Church's principal and bible. I have to attend the mass once in a week and earned the Priest's signature. However on April 4th, 2015, I was baptized. I called that moment as my second birthday because I am reborn as a daughter of God. And by the way, I have a new name too -as a Catholic, we have to choose our baptize's name. Mine is Gabriela. Gabriela is the feminine form of Gabriel, one of God's angel. Gabriel itself means man of God or God has shown himself mighty. The archangel Gabriel is the messenger angel who appeared to people in the Old Testament and the New Testament on many different occasions. According to the Bible verses, Gabriel was the angel who announced the birth of St. John -the baptizer and Jesus Christ -our Savior. I hope by carrying his name, I can reflect to his behavior. I can be God's angel -the angel without wings- in this world. I still learn though.

Most of my relatives and friends who found out this later asked me why I chose to be a Catholic. It is a hard question. I mean I do not how to answer this question. In an easy way, I answered by saying as it was a calling. God calls me through my heart then He shows me the path through people around me. Well, this answer then came up with even harder questions as How does God call you? How do you know it is God who calls you? and I am... Lost of words. Or perhaps this all experiences are just beyond words. We (yes, you and me) are human who is finite, thus we can not really understand God who is infinite. Our five senses are not be able to understand God. We can not see God physically. We can not hear God 's words and speak to Him directly -face to face. We can not smell God's scent. We can not touch God's hands. We can not taste God. So, what is God?

For me, God remains in my heart in a form of faith. Well, yes, I can't see, smell, hear, touch or even taste God, but I believe God does exist. I see God's existence through -lot of things: human for the example. Well, humans are created in the image and likeness of God. It still doesn't make any excuse for us to act as God though. But, whenever I see newborn babies, I see God's existence upon them. I believe God helps us through people around us so one new baby is equal with one new helper. Next, I hear God's words through bible verses. Reading bible is similar with talking to God -for me. I feel God answers my concerned through the bible verses. I smell God's scent through the air that I breathe in every day. I touch God every time I touch people's heart. And for the last but not the least, I taste God through love that I have in my life. I know and believe all of us have our own definition of God and none of us are wrong. Well, my relationship with God is so personal until I can't  force people to believe my words and agree with me. I do not in any intention to teach anyone about God or trying to gain an image as a holy person, because I am not. I am not perfect nor spiritual -yet. Honesty, the seven sins (wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy and gluttony) are still hanging out with me sometimes -most of times. They are so inevitable though. But the most important is, I am learning and working on it. Well, not to be a perfect human but to be God's favorite daughter. His daughter who does not only make mistakes, but also learn from the mistakes. His daughter who does not only demand for forgiveness, but also be willing to apologize. His daughter who does not only want to be loved, but also love the other. His always favorite daughter.

As a Catholic, I learn to embrace and love people no matter who they are. Because Catholic is universal. I learn to accept diversity as a strong point to build my manner and attitude as a better person. I learn how to put myself as in other's shoes, so I can feel what they feel. I am a very -strongly- judgmental person. I used to judge person through our first meeting. Sometimes I hate myself for acting like that. Thus, I am learning, and it's getting better though. I am not really cynical anymore to anyone who has been labelled -by me- as an annoying person. Well, even better, now I am working on labeling no one. Try to accept everyone as I want to be accepted. To make the world as a better place, yes?

Well, that's what Chelen thinks.
Cheers for a better Me.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Why Writing?

Because some things are better left unsaid. So, why don’t I just write it up?

That's what Chelen thinks.
Cheers for the new blog.